Appel, George: "Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked apple."
Barney, Jeffrey: "I'm tingling all over."
Flegensheimer, Arthur :"Mother is the best bet."
French, James: "How about this for a headline? French fries."
Garrett, Johnny Frank: "I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass."
Grasso, Thomas J: "I did not get my Spaghetti-Os. I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."
Johnson, Edward E: "I guess no one's going to call."
Loeb, Richard A: "I think I'm going to make it."
McCarty, Henry: "Who is it?"
Parks, Roby Leroy: "I'm still awake."
Roges, James: "Why yes, a bullet proof vest."
Spenkelink, John: "Capital punishment; them without the capital get the punishment."
Tucker, Karla Fay: "I am going to be face to face with Jesus now. . . . I will see you all when you get there. I will wait for you
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I'M ON DRUGS!
Last Words are the be all and end all of our lives. They should be an ultimate pearl of wisdom to lookers on and sum up all that we feel about our life. Unfortunately death tends to be an unplanned event like a trip on a rock or the passing of gas. We are not all as quick witted as the writers or the comedians, as grand as the presidents or the queens. Here is a list of my favourite doozies of last words and the ones i want to tattoo on the back of my hand so i can recite at a moments notice.
Marie Antoinette: "Pardonnez-moi, monsieur" - As she was walking up to be executed, she accidentally trod on the executioners foot. What manners at such a time!
Ethel Barrymore: "Are you happy? I'm happy."
Henry Ward Beecher: "Now comes the mystery"- this ones going straight on my palm.
Emily Bronte: "I lingered around them, under that benign sky; watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells; listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass; and wondered how anyone could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth."- Who else could spit that out at a moments notice.
Luther Burbank: "I don't feel good."
Charlie Chaplin: When the priest, who was attending him on his deathbed, said "May the Lord have mercy on your soul," Chaplin quickly replied, "Why not? After all, it belongs to him."
Robert Erskine Childers: "Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way."- Says the man who died in firing squad.
Frances "Two Gun" Crowley: "You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother."- Infamous bank robber and murdered.
E.E. Cummings: "I'm going to sharpen the axe before I put it up, dear."
James Dean: "That guy's got to stop. . . . He'll see us."- How terribly wrong he was.
Emily Dickinson: "...the fog is rising."
Thomas Edison: "It's very beautiful over there."
Leonard Euler: "I die."- they always said mathematicians weren't the most creative lot.
Thomas de Mahay Favras: "I see that you have made three spelling mistakes." - He was handed his official death sentence before he was led to the scaffold.
William Frederick: On his deathbed, the priest who came to console the king was reading to him from the Book of Job. "Naked came I out of my mother's womb and naked shall I return thither," read the priest. "No, not quite naked. I shall have my uniform on," replied the king with his last breath.
Peter Pan: "To die would be an awfully big adventure."
Albrecht von Haller: "My friend, the artery ceases to beat."
Mata Hari: After exhausting multiple appeals, she put on a gray dress and straw hat and faced the firing squad at 5:00 am on 15 October. When asked if she had any last words, she responded, "It is unbelievable." She then refused to be tied or blindfolded. As the commands were given, Mata Hari smiled and winked at the firing squad.
Conrad N. Hilton: "Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub." We can see now where Miss Paris got her charms from.
George Kelly: "My dear, before you kiss me good-bye, fix you hair. It's a mess."
Saint Lawrence: When he was hung over a bed of coals until he burned to death, he was asked for any last requests to which he replied, "Turn me. I am roasted on one side."
Abraham Lincoln: Oh, well he just laughed.
Karl Marx: "Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!"
Eugene O'Neill: "Born in a hotel room--and God damn it--died in a hotel room."
General John Sedgwick: "The couldn't hit an elephant at this distance..."
Gertrude Stein: When Stein was dying of cancer, she turned to Alice B. Toklas and whispered, "What is the answer?" Miss Toklas did not respond. Stein nodded, as if in agreement, and continued, "In that case, what is the question?"
Francisco Villa: "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
J.M Barrie: "I can't sleep."- And then he learnt he could sleep very well.
Roman Emperor: "I live!"
Aleister Crowley: "I am perplexed. Satan get out."
Marie Antoinette: "Pardonnez-moi, monsieur" - As she was walking up to be executed, she accidentally trod on the executioners foot. What manners at such a time!
Ethel Barrymore: "Are you happy? I'm happy."
Henry Ward Beecher: "Now comes the mystery"- this ones going straight on my palm.
Emily Bronte: "I lingered around them, under that benign sky; watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells; listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass; and wondered how anyone could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth."- Who else could spit that out at a moments notice.
Luther Burbank: "I don't feel good."
Charlie Chaplin: When the priest, who was attending him on his deathbed, said "May the Lord have mercy on your soul," Chaplin quickly replied, "Why not? After all, it belongs to him."
Robert Erskine Childers: "Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way."- Says the man who died in firing squad.
Frances "Two Gun" Crowley: "You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother."- Infamous bank robber and murdered.
E.E. Cummings: "I'm going to sharpen the axe before I put it up, dear."
James Dean: "That guy's got to stop. . . . He'll see us."- How terribly wrong he was.
Emily Dickinson: "...the fog is rising."
Thomas Edison: "It's very beautiful over there."
Leonard Euler: "I die."- they always said mathematicians weren't the most creative lot.
Thomas de Mahay Favras: "I see that you have made three spelling mistakes." - He was handed his official death sentence before he was led to the scaffold.
William Frederick: On his deathbed, the priest who came to console the king was reading to him from the Book of Job. "Naked came I out of my mother's womb and naked shall I return thither," read the priest. "No, not quite naked. I shall have my uniform on," replied the king with his last breath.
Peter Pan: "To die would be an awfully big adventure."
Albrecht von Haller: "My friend, the artery ceases to beat."
Mata Hari: After exhausting multiple appeals, she put on a gray dress and straw hat and faced the firing squad at 5:00 am on 15 October. When asked if she had any last words, she responded, "It is unbelievable." She then refused to be tied or blindfolded. As the commands were given, Mata Hari smiled and winked at the firing squad.
Conrad N. Hilton: "Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub." We can see now where Miss Paris got her charms from.
George Kelly: "My dear, before you kiss me good-bye, fix you hair. It's a mess."
Saint Lawrence: When he was hung over a bed of coals until he burned to death, he was asked for any last requests to which he replied, "Turn me. I am roasted on one side."
Abraham Lincoln: Oh, well he just laughed.
Karl Marx: "Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!"
Eugene O'Neill: "Born in a hotel room--and God damn it--died in a hotel room."
General John Sedgwick: "The couldn't hit an elephant at this distance..."
Gertrude Stein: When Stein was dying of cancer, she turned to Alice B. Toklas and whispered, "What is the answer?" Miss Toklas did not respond. Stein nodded, as if in agreement, and continued, "In that case, what is the question?"
Francisco Villa: "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
J.M Barrie: "I can't sleep."- And then he learnt he could sleep very well.
Roman Emperor: "I live!"
Aleister Crowley: "I am perplexed. Satan get out."
Monday, January 19, 2009
Nerdfighters.
Oh I could watch these boys all day. How they amuse me so.
In other news, I'm going to be in the paper! For my exchange! What joy! The interview is going to be outside baskin and robbins. I'm taking money so I can have an ice-cream at 9 in the morning. Never has this opportunity arose so i shall seize it whilst it is in reach.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Maybe she's born with it?
You know how people say "She's just made for it."? Well, I know people who say that. Anyway, this weekend I went to Sydney with the 'rents and sibling for a replacement Christmas to try and avoid the relatives and the disappointments that jump in their suitcases. We stayed in this hotel in the CBD that was all fancy fancy with shiny marble floors and mirrored walls in the elevators and also walking distance from all these really amazing places all over Sydney.
Being the ADHD teenagers we are, me and my sister went on nightly outings through Hyde Park and China Town at midnight. Armed with a map and a phone we walked until 2 in the morning and then crashed on the sofa but I realised I was made to live in the city. Everything about it was exciting and amazing and joyous. We managed to dodge projectile vomiting three times (! We did not know where it all came from !), find 8 different ways to get to the same place, we claimed a piece of the park for each morning, went on coffee runs, find the perfect city driving song ("Hard to Explain" by The Strokes) threw paper aeroplanes off the balcony, walk for 2 hours in heels, rip festival posters off of telegraph poles without being struck down by a taxi, strike up unawkward conversation in elevators AND haggle. I think with those life lessons down pat I'm all set to move to the city and hopefully not get raped and/or die. Wish me luck.
Being the ADHD teenagers we are, me and my sister went on nightly outings through Hyde Park and China Town at midnight. Armed with a map and a phone we walked until 2 in the morning and then crashed on the sofa but I realised I was made to live in the city. Everything about it was exciting and amazing and joyous. We managed to dodge projectile vomiting three times (! We did not know where it all came from !), find 8 different ways to get to the same place, we claimed a piece of the park for each morning, went on coffee runs, find the perfect city driving song ("Hard to Explain" by The Strokes) threw paper aeroplanes off the balcony, walk for 2 hours in heels, rip festival posters off of telegraph poles without being struck down by a taxi, strike up unawkward conversation in elevators AND haggle. I think with those life lessons down pat I'm all set to move to the city and hopefully not get raped and/or die. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Disco Biscuit Love.
I need to write about this weekend. It was perfect. Undeniably perfect. This may sound like word vomit to anyone reading this but to me its like the vomit of a chocoholic.
This weekend was festival of the sun which for the 3rd time turned into festival of the rain complete with mud puddles, yellow ponchos, tribal mud stripes and general grot. me and jess turned up by ourselves and got to the stage area and it was like a miniscule interpretation of what woodstock would be like for me. Everyone was drunk and happy and muddy and floaty and crazy and earthy. there was a little gig on the side stage with just guitars and drums and you could feel it through your legs and in your head and it was just amazing. we pushed our way into the front area and my god it was crazy. we were there for about 2 hours just kind of standing in the midst of all of this until we got split up and then wolf & cub came on. they were noise. i felt an inexplicable urge to mosh and be teenage so i did with muddy drunk men until i was soaked in mud and rain and beer. mud and beer played a large part in this festival. i found jess towards the end of it and then it all got so much better from there. the looser you were the better it was. the more pretty people with dreadlocks and piercings and bells in their hair danced with you and discussed bathrooms with you. the rest of the evening went pretty much the same until it got dark and we snapped glow sticks with our teeth and made universes on our clothes and hair. then we went home, watched ghost and slept.
we woke feeling grotty and drowsy, got dressed and left to be greeted by the sounds of the jezabels with their lead singer sounding a lot like sarah blasko which was some much needed morning listening.
then they were kind and gave out cds and badges to those who bothered to listen to them. they were so great. they were so nice. a little while later we encountered rin with some boy wearing red pants and glasses without the glass who would not stop jumping the whole conversation. thats when we were whisked away to his tent for some home brew vodka and mixer. mmm yum. the feeling of vodka is like a warm, thick feeling methylated spirits. the reason for the mixer was very quickly discovered once we both started gagging as we got to our second sip. unfortunately one side affect of getting tipsy was the bladder weakness. we got out of the tent to go dance and felt the mutual urge to pee a lot. we relieved ourselves and went quickly on our way to go dance. which we did. you feel very very loose and apparently my voice went up and octave. an hour later and the tipsiness wore off. thats when the energy drinks came out for me. they are gods gifts to fatigue. i would have died if it weren't for them. everything went crazy then and the sun came out and we danced to an improv sun praise song.watussi played next who were an enigma of samba dancing the then roger that came out in their sailor hats and embroidered t-shirts and i think they were the drunkest people there. case in point: a few acts later and "rocked out with their cocks out" that were conveniently covered by socks which then fell which were then thrown in some guys face in the crowd. they were lots of fun.
so time carried on and then kate miller-heidke came on who was quite sweet and then the panics who were amazing. everything about them is lovely. it took about 20 minutes for them to finally get on stage, during which jess was being stalked by some creepy drunk man in a stripy shirt who kept slow dancing with her. he was also alone, didn't say a word, started stroking her neck and it was just weird. so we bolted into the mosh (as fast as you can bolt through the sweaty masses) where a pretty boy with red hair said hi and we danced and we hugged and then he said hi again and i think if i were very drunk i would have kissed him because he was oh so nice but then the panics started so i ran off to jess and then we danced and jumped and i sang loudly and then i realised that i think i fell in love with him a little bit. and i think this postcard sums up my falling in love antics. it happens so much but it feels so great.
so pretty much this weekend is the most memorable of my life. 18 hours of raw happiness and dancing and letting go of everything so that everything else in life seems so menial. now my goal is to keep that feeling everytime i go out and can't make myself do anything. i've harnessed it. now i'm just hoping that a years worth of german rave parties and excessive tipsiness and happiness can happen. my god i really hope so.
This weekend was festival of the sun which for the 3rd time turned into festival of the rain complete with mud puddles, yellow ponchos, tribal mud stripes and general grot. me and jess turned up by ourselves and got to the stage area and it was like a miniscule interpretation of what woodstock would be like for me. Everyone was drunk and happy and muddy and floaty and crazy and earthy. there was a little gig on the side stage with just guitars and drums and you could feel it through your legs and in your head and it was just amazing. we pushed our way into the front area and my god it was crazy. we were there for about 2 hours just kind of standing in the midst of all of this until we got split up and then wolf & cub came on. they were noise. i felt an inexplicable urge to mosh and be teenage so i did with muddy drunk men until i was soaked in mud and rain and beer. mud and beer played a large part in this festival. i found jess towards the end of it and then it all got so much better from there. the looser you were the better it was. the more pretty people with dreadlocks and piercings and bells in their hair danced with you and discussed bathrooms with you. the rest of the evening went pretty much the same until it got dark and we snapped glow sticks with our teeth and made universes on our clothes and hair. then we went home, watched ghost and slept.
we woke feeling grotty and drowsy, got dressed and left to be greeted by the sounds of the jezabels with their lead singer sounding a lot like sarah blasko which was some much needed morning listening.
then they were kind and gave out cds and badges to those who bothered to listen to them. they were so great. they were so nice. a little while later we encountered rin with some boy wearing red pants and glasses without the glass who would not stop jumping the whole conversation. thats when we were whisked away to his tent for some home brew vodka and mixer. mmm yum. the feeling of vodka is like a warm, thick feeling methylated spirits. the reason for the mixer was very quickly discovered once we both started gagging as we got to our second sip. unfortunately one side affect of getting tipsy was the bladder weakness. we got out of the tent to go dance and felt the mutual urge to pee a lot. we relieved ourselves and went quickly on our way to go dance. which we did. you feel very very loose and apparently my voice went up and octave. an hour later and the tipsiness wore off. thats when the energy drinks came out for me. they are gods gifts to fatigue. i would have died if it weren't for them. everything went crazy then and the sun came out and we danced to an improv sun praise song.watussi played next who were an enigma of samba dancing the then roger that came out in their sailor hats and embroidered t-shirts and i think they were the drunkest people there. case in point: a few acts later and "rocked out with their cocks out" that were conveniently covered by socks which then fell which were then thrown in some guys face in the crowd. they were lots of fun.
so time carried on and then kate miller-heidke came on who was quite sweet and then the panics who were amazing. everything about them is lovely. it took about 20 minutes for them to finally get on stage, during which jess was being stalked by some creepy drunk man in a stripy shirt who kept slow dancing with her. he was also alone, didn't say a word, started stroking her neck and it was just weird. so we bolted into the mosh (as fast as you can bolt through the sweaty masses) where a pretty boy with red hair said hi and we danced and we hugged and then he said hi again and i think if i were very drunk i would have kissed him because he was oh so nice but then the panics started so i ran off to jess and then we danced and jumped and i sang loudly and then i realised that i think i fell in love with him a little bit. and i think this postcard sums up my falling in love antics. it happens so much but it feels so great.
so pretty much this weekend is the most memorable of my life. 18 hours of raw happiness and dancing and letting go of everything so that everything else in life seems so menial. now my goal is to keep that feeling everytime i go out and can't make myself do anything. i've harnessed it. now i'm just hoping that a years worth of german rave parties and excessive tipsiness and happiness can happen. my god i really hope so.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
I think that these are my favourite lyrics.
Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Ah... Ah...
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain,
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies.
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.
Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties.
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Ah... Ah...
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain,
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies.
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.
Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties.
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Boredom Buster for only $1.22 at 1:22
I must be snail-like slow because i have only just reached the realisation that school is over. And i have nothing to do. It's disgusting. I feel like I should be working or studying or packing my bag. At least it's vaguely reassuring that I won't let myself sit around doing nothing for forever therefore reducing the risk of evolving into a couch-dweller. And now i've decided to compile a list of things i've wanted to to for a long time. Let's begin.
1. Stay consistent with a diary so I can while away my nights.
2. Read one book a week.
3. Go on an all day bike riding adventure and pack a picnic in a backpack and read in the meadow down the road.
4. Walk all the way to coles and get a movie. Or give up and take the bus.
5. Become engrossed in christmas. I've already set up everything. All i need is the christmas cheer.
6. See what i'm like drunk. There's a whole lotta vodka and nobody to drink it. At least i wont get preggers this way?
7. Rollerblade.
8. Go on strolls
9. play in the sprinkler
10. Dance whilst the house is empty for extensive periods of time.
More to come. This list starts tomorrow.
1. Stay consistent with a diary so I can while away my nights.
2. Read one book a week.
3. Go on an all day bike riding adventure and pack a picnic in a backpack and read in the meadow down the road.
4. Walk all the way to coles and get a movie. Or give up and take the bus.
5. Become engrossed in christmas. I've already set up everything. All i need is the christmas cheer.
6. See what i'm like drunk. There's a whole lotta vodka and nobody to drink it. At least i wont get preggers this way?
7. Rollerblade.
8. Go on strolls
9. play in the sprinkler
10. Dance whilst the house is empty for extensive periods of time.
More to come. This list starts tomorrow.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Everything is illuminated.
The book for this has been sitting next to my bed for the last six months and its been killing me not to read it. I'm saving it up for my plane trip so I don't suddenly decide to hijack the plane from boredom. I've already read one of Jonathan Safran Foer's books before, extremely loud and incredibly close, which was pretty damn good and this is the one that got some of the most publicity so i'm expecting perfection Mr Foer.
Song is How It Ends- DeVotchka.
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